New adventures? And the best day of my life, so far.

Well, it's the end of September now. How did that happen? Where did summer go? I've mostly worked the whole summer, except a week trip to the Lake District for walks and relaxation with Joe's extended family, followed by a family wedding in Somerset straight afterwards. The holiday was good and the wedding was beyond stunning. Here are a couple of snaps from my cousin's big day.

PPD continued...

I'm now working in a day nursery in Plymouth as my previous employers (mentioned in past blogs) just weren't for me. I felt the company wouldn't help me build on my professional practice like any good employer should. I will miss the children and staff but where I am now is a much better place, it's a really lovely nursery with a team of great people. Need I mention their swimming pool and ball pit to impress you further?

Being a grown up!

Recently, Joe and I have been working hard to furnish our new flat which is coming along nicely. We moved in to the flat in the beginning of August and so far, so good. 

Oh, and did I forget to mention... I GRADUATED!!! It was the best day of my life so far. I felt proud and happy to be sharing it with my family and friends.

I am the proud owner of a 2:1 Bachelor of Arts Honorary Degree in Early Childhood Studies.

My next goals are getting a car, some pet fish and then it'll be Christmas 2015! 

As always, thanks for reading and let me know any comments or questions.

Peace out, for now 😘 

Here's to Another Chapter in My Life! Graduation, Jobs and More...

Well that's it! 3 years of Uni has finished! (I hope I've passed). On March 5th I was offered a full time job as a Graduate Early Years Practitioner in Plymstock. It's on a school site which I'm pretty excited about because it will be a similar experience to my University placement. I also wrote my dissertation on nurseries on a school site. We have our student house until the beginning of August so I will live there and walk/ get the bus to Plymstock until then. I am hoping it won't be too long until I am able to find a place to live in Plymouth. I also plan of saving for a car! 

Graduation is on 24th September 2015 13:00-15:00 EEEKKK!!! 

I chose not to pursue the PGCE in Post Compulsory Education straight away because upon a lot of reflection, I didn't feel educationally ready. 3 years ago I was doing A levels myself so am I really ready to teach that level? No way!

My career goals have not changed, but like everything in my life, it will just take that little bit longer to achieve.

I want to redo my GCSE Additional Science and return to uni to study for Early Years Teacher Status (which was my original goal before uni) I know I can do it. Its just science (and QTS tests) standing in my way. My friend went for an interview for the EYITT course at Plymouth Uni and they told her they wanted me!! That's pretty amazing! :)

In the future I will return to uni AGAIN and do a PGCE PCET to teach post 16 year olds but that may be 10 years away! who knows.

PPDP

I really hate being misunderstood; so I think right now I need more time to learn how to articulate myself properly. University has helped me do that a lot more but I still have a lot of complex thoughts that I find difficult putting in to words. What comes out of my mouth is about 1% of what I actually think. Teachers know how to explain even the basic of things in an understandable and relatable way. I can never seem to be able to do that but I'm trying. Until this is resolved, I don't think I can pursue a career in teaching.

I am also trying to be more of a positive person. All the men in my family (sorry if you're one of them reading this) are real moaners. Glass half empty kind of people and I really don't want to turn in to that. I mentioned this to Joe and he said I already am like that! I was horrified!

I have also learnt recently that "Happiness is a journey, not a destination".. Its amazing how much changes once you realise that. I've always thought of happiness as something that can only happen once I've done certain things (e.g. once I get in to uni I'll be happy, once I have a car I'll be happy...)but now I know, self actualisation doesn't exist because the goal for happiness attainment keeps moving and changing. So hopefully if the goal post stops moving, I'll score a goal.

Feel free to comment and let me know what you think. 

Talking about my Mum and some New Year's Resolutions for 2015 (and other chatty stuff)

Christmas has come and gone already. I went to Joseph's parent's house this year. It was very low key- laid back and quiet- which was nice; but also a bit strange as I'm not accustomed to that. We stayed there from Monday until the following Monday. (For future reference, Christmas was on the Thursday) I had lots of University work due in straight after New Year so relaxing mentally was out of the question. However on the positive side, I have enjoyed the alarm-less mornings and occasional lie in when I allow myself. [Side note: A lie in is usually defined as anything after 10am.]

Mum

Joseph and I will be travelling back to my Nan's house in Dorset on 29th December and staying until 7th January. Some of you will know that the 29th December is the anniversary of my dear mother's death. I think travelling on that day will take my mind off what day it is. I usually allow myself to feel sad or generally a bit down on that day and then I try to move on the next day by looking forward to a new year coming. As I haven't had a mother for 19 years, I don't really find it emotionally challenging anymore. Only the odd occasion like her birthday, anniversary or Christmas or if something poignant or memorable happens. If she had died in my teens or early 20's, things would be significantly different because there would be something to miss: Her touch; Her hugs; Her love; Her voice etc but it's been so long since I've experienced those things that they're a lot harder to miss. It often occurs to me that I wouldn't recognise my own mother's voice if I heard it in the street.

I think there isn't anything comprehensive enough to say about grief. People have asked me in the past what it's like to not have a mother. Thats a hard question to answer because  I feel almost numb to the pain of having to live without her I guess. It's a  strange feeling. How can you miss something if you haven't really experienced it? Someone once described the feeling as "a mum shaped hole in your heart" and I think that's true. Day to day I don't yearn for her, it is easy to wake up without feeling the mother-shaped-hole. It might sound harsh to say but I think that is because I have been conditioned to it after almost 20 years.
A mother once told me she only gives her infant daughter water to drink because she doesn't know what squash (e.g. Fruit Shoot) tastes like so she won't miss it. It instantly made me think of my bereavement journey. The longer that little girl goes without squash, the less she'll think about having squash or get a yearning feeling to have it. She'll always see other children drinking Fruit Shoots and then she might wonder what it's like but day to day, it probably won't cross her mind. I'm sure you get the point I'm making now?!

As I only experienced her love for the first almost-six years of my life, I also find it strange when people talk about mothering around me. When we visit Joe's parents and his mother tries to do things for me, I can't help but reject it. When I ask nicely, "why are you doing stuff for me? I don't mind doing it" (washing up, washing my clothes, moving my towel from the radiator). The response I get to my questions are "that's what mothers do" and all I can think is "oh, is it?"; His dad would sometimes say to me "it's called mothering!" I know they didn't realise what they were saying but still its upsetting to know I'll never know what that 'mothering' feels like by the woman that's supposed to do it. Even though I have a fantastic, caring Nan that has done a lot for me. I still don't expect it.

I also get the impression that in the nuclear family, the mother is the best one. I often hear men say "I'm not buying presents this year but I'll buy mum something"and fathers often say "ask your mother" so sometimes it feels like I'm missing out on the best family member. This is the reason why I also get scared about having children myself one day because they won't have a mother either and I of all people know that children need a mother but I am also proof that it's possible to live without one and still have a happy life. After all, I still had female role models and people to care for my emotional needs. I know our future children will be loved and have two parents who care for them so it's not exactly the same but I'm sure you know what I mean, right? I feel like a hypocrite for saying how weird and hard it is without a mother, yet I/we will be giving our children the same life but without the sadness of bereavement and loss to spoil a happy childhood.Will they look at other families and think they are missing out on something?

I will always love my mum but being able to produce an unforced feeling of missing her is getting hard. As my sister and I are getting older, I can only think of what she is missing now. My dad remarried (January update- they have very recently separated) but I get sad for him and obviously those  significant times in our lives when something memorable happens. I'll be graduating next year and hopefully getting married one day and then having children. Our mum will miss out on all that. I know people say she's always watching on me from up in Heaven but I don't particularly believe that anymore but if I did believe that, she still won't be here actually experiencing those things. Without sounding aggressive, it's good for her if she gets to watch me but I can't see her, I don't feel her here or know she's here so what comfort is that supposed to give me? Long story short- don't say it please.

On a lighter note away from the darkness of talking about death and grief.

As I am in my third year at University, the next term is going to be diabolically stressfully which I am not looking forward to. I am currently thinking that I would enjoy teaching Childcare and Education or Early Years Developement in further education (GCSE/A Level) but I am taking a year out after graduation to get more experience as an Early Years Practitioner. Teaching FE (14-19- SCARY!) was an option I hadn't even thought of but suddenly an option I was/am interested in pursuing. I  had 3 interviews offered to me just before Christmas but I just did not feel ready, educationally (do I really know enough to teach A Level when 3 years ago I was Level 2 qualified but working in The Ccooperative Food?!)

My new plan for the future is to work in a nursery part time in a managerial role and teach FE part time.

Let me know what you think of this everyone. I would be interested to find out people's thoughts on it. Not really for guidance but more encouragement than anything else hahaha

New Years Resolution

I've been asked by a couple of people during general chit chat what my resolutions are. I'm not usually a believer in all that stuff. In my opinion, changing old habits and making a fresh start can happen at anytime. Not just January the first. Apart from the obligatory "eat healthier" and "exercise more" kind of goals (which we all know only lasts a few weeks) I want to make three realistic ones. 

1. Work harder at Uni 

2. Have more fun (I'm too grown-up and uptight for my own good), I need to relax about enjoying myself. 

3. Be happier with the way I look- to help me do that I have gone back to having long-ish blond hair, which I am loving. 

That's it folks! The next time I will be writing a blog will be after 7th May- my last day as a student at Plymouth University. I will be graduating in September. Thanks for reading! 😀

Third Year!!

I am a third year student now. 

Oh. My. God. How on Earth did that happen?! 

I won't lie to you. I'm scared. I might even go as far to say that I'm petrified. This year is worth the most amount of credit towards my degree (70%) and I'm just not sure I can handle the kind of pressure that that will bring. I have chosen a dissertation topic. It is 'Children's, parents' and practitioners' perspectives on school readiness and transitioning'. This may change so don't carve it in stone just yet but it's an area I've been interested in since first year. 

I am actually more worried about the literature review at the moment. It's due in a few weeks and I just don't know how to write a literature review! Arrggh

Science 

One kind-of-blessing is the fact that unfortunatly I did not quite achieve the  grade C in Additional Science that I was hoping for (I was 8 marks off) so I will not have the added stress of a PGCE application, personal statements and QTS test revision this year. 

I am planning a year out to do some nursery work and will probably redo my science in the evenings at the same time. This has not dampened my dream of wanting to be a teacher. I will get there in the end, even if I'm 30 when I do!! 

I really wanted to focus on getting a good grade in my 2nd year of Uni. I did cram in the revision once uni was finished but hey ho. It's a lot easier to redo a year of Science for £200 rather than £9000 to redo uni. It may be an excuse rather than a reason but I think that justifies it. Maybe I'm delusional. Let me know.

Summer 

Summer break was not the most eventful summer imaginable but it was good to relax and recooperate.

We took a couple of trips home to my Nan's in Dorset but were mainly with Joe's parents. 

Joe ended up working full time most weeks which made things difficult to plan activities and days out. 

It also meant that he couldn't get ahead with his field work and reading. 

I did the juice diet again but with less weightloss this time (but still the average 7lbs it promises in the title) 

The main difference from last time was no 2am trip to A and E! Unfortunatly and unsurprisingly though, the weight is back on now. However I still recommend it to everyone. It's a great way to lose and maintain weight as well as all the other health benefits it offers. I will do my next one in January. 

Like I say in most my blog posts; I've upped my gyming to 3-5 days a week so hopefully I will achieve my goal of not being fat at graduation in September 2015! Please pray I get my bum in gear/ I need it!

The most fun thing that happened in Summer was our mini break to Thorpe Park. 

We hired a car for 2 days and got a hotel in the park resort and stayed there for 1 night. It was so fun to drive again after two years off but rather expensive!! 

The hotel booking came with another 2 tickets for the theme park including 1 hours worth of fast track which made our trip a lot of fun. We bought lots of photo souvenirs and spent far too much money on trying to win toys on stalls and Grabber machine! 

Christmas

Is anyone else getting excited for Christmas? I can't believe I've made plans for New Year's Eve already! How organised am I?! Haven't organised christmas yet. Either at my Nan or Aunties house or at Joe's parents. We are yet to spend a Christmas together so I can't wait until we do as Christmases aren't that much fun as an adult!

I'll shut up now. 

Side note:- Joe and I have been together 2 years on 25th October. Crazzzzy! 

Thanks for reading and please feel free to comment, suggest edits or ideas for new blogs :) 

15 Misconceptions People Have About University Students!

Everyone has their own vision of what university is going to be like before they go. Based on things they've seen, read or heard, they form their own idea of what to expect when they rock up to halls in September and, for a while, those initial expectations might be met.

However, as university progresses, they discover that some of the ideas they had about being a student were just plain wrong. But what about those who never went to uni? They could still be living in the same bubble we managed to escape from. There's only one thing to do: let's get popping

1. They’re all lazy

1. 

   2. They’re all drunkards

   

   3. They’re all sleeping around

   

   4. They never go to lectures

   

   5. And if they do, they don’t pay attention

   

   6. They just waste money

   

   7. They live off noodles

   

   8. They’re all troublemakers

   

   9. They all had a ‘gap yah’

   

   10. And now they’re using uni as a 3-year holiday

   

   11. They’re all massive druggies

   

   12. They’re all messy

   

   13. They don’t care about their future

   

   14. They’re all radical socialists

   

   15. They all stay up all night, every night

   

   There's only one thing to say to all of those ideas

   

(Student Beans, 2014) 

10 reasons why I love Joe

In 3 months time, it will be 2 years since I met Joe (you can read how in one of my first blog posts) and I am still 100% in love with him just as I was in the beginning and I'd like to share 10 very soppy reasons why. In no particular order...

1. His smile. Oh my gosh, his smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It makes me weak at the knees every time he smiles or laughs... *sighs*

                      

2. His big heart. He is one of the kindest and most generous people I've ever met. He will give up almost anything to make other people happy and it constantly blows me away when I witness it. (I will also add his sensibleness and reliability into this one as I think they all interlink)

3. His eyes. They don’t have a specific colour which I think makes him really unique. Depending on the lighting, they can either be blue, brown or a greeny-brown- I sometimes wonder if this relates with the fact he is a bit colour blind.

4. His passion for the environment and other global issues. He is very mature and conscious with the daily decisions we make that have or have had an effect on the environment. E.g. he can be descried as 'a recycling-Nazi' at the best of times!

5. Although he doesn't have career goals yet, he is very driven to achieve things and become the best person he can. I have always been in huge admiration of him for that. For example, he is the only student I know (I'm not saying other people don't but I don't know any!) that actually attends extra sessions offered to him at Uni such as The Global Challenge where he recently found out he has a passion for learning Chinese! So watch out for that!

6. His intelligence. He is much cleverer than me in many ways. I often wonder how someone so young can know so much about so much! 

7. His height. I like that he is tall. It makes him a very good hugger and useful for things on high shelves ;)

8. His patience. I can be quite fiery sometimes and he has taught me to take things slow and not let things bother me. I don't always succeed but his level- headedness, kindness and patience gets me through anything :)

9. His shyness. He can be coy in public and doesn't like going out drinking or partying (which is a good thing). He's very mature :)

10. His love for me. I know this is an obvious one because we're a couple but I feel so loved every day. The way he looks at me, the way he wants to hold my hand on the sofa (but never in public haha) and the way he makes me laugh are just some of the ways he makes me feel so loved. 

One more for luck!

11. I've always loved that we share the same life goals. Without being too generalising, I don't know many gay guys that want marriage, monogamy, kids, a house in the country with a flowered garden, vegetable patch and a white picket fence. The stuff that dreams are made of!

Sorry for being soppy. Thanks  for reading!

Just a little life update- Summer 2014!

It's finally Summer! It has been a long ol' term but I made it. It's been a long time since I've had stuff to blog about so here is a little recap on the things I had planned in my last blog post and how they went- nothing too exciting I'm afraid. My last post wasn't the happiest one in the world because at the time, it felt like I was at the bottom of a very steep hill and all I could do was look up at the struggle yet to come. Thankfully that's all over now (except placement until 2nd July) so I can relax a bit.

 Here are a few things I mentioned in my last blog post in case you missed it. This list will also act as the contents page for the blog so you can skip the bits you don't give a sh*t about.

1. My birthday
2. Gambia
3. Joe's trip to Malaysia
4. Science Exams
5. Court Case
6. Diet
7. New stuff

1. Well, I said in my last post that I wasn't celebrating my 24th birthday in January this year -I lied. I did. It was unexpected but a good night was had by all at The Woodside Pub in Plymouth. Karaoke, friends and shots- what else do you need for a birthday, really? 

 2. In February this year,  I travelled with the University to Gambia, West Africa for a week. It was truly amazing and very eye opening- not always in a good way. I saw some upsetting things that challenged my emotions and moral judgements but overall it was an incredible experience that I will cherish forever. I visited 2 schools and read a story to quite a few children (picture below); visited a nursery; went to a famous Kora player's condo; danced on the beach; shopped in the market; made a sand painting and (attempted ) batik fabric art on the beach; visited a woman's cooperative farm; had a boat trip around the river; partied with the locals in a bar and much more! I am hoping to return again next year so keep an eye out!

View from hotel, truly stunning

After reading a story in Mandinari School

The Djembe I bought home- another one of my impulse buys!

3. Joe's trip to Malaysia was 7 weeks and 5 days ago! He was away for three weeks, which was tough as I obviously missed him a lot but it was worse than I initially expected primarily because of the time difference. Although at the time it felt like the 3 weeks were going SO slowly but now, I can't believe it was almost 8 weeks ago. You'll have to ask him how his trip went but from what I can tell from his photos and stories, he had a great time, too. The research project he did in the rain forest out there went well also. He got a first in his work at university for it which makes me very proud of him. Well done, Joe.

Here he is on a balcony of the famous Kuala Lumpur Tower. 

4. My GCSE Additional Science exams are over too. I achieved a C grade in my practical and first exam but I have to wait until August for the other 2 results. I'm so nervous- I hope I can pull a C out of the bag so I can progress on to teaching next year other wise I will have to retake the entire year. I was revising quite hard before exams so fingers crossed a miracle will happen to me for a change!!

5. Quick court case update- A couple of months ago I decided to ring the lawyer who is working on behalf of my old insurance company to ask for an update. I was concerned that they would call or write to me and request my presents at court whilst I was busy with University assignments and dissertation work in September. Delightfully, they said I am not required to appear in court if a date ever gets set. Yippee! 

6.  Here comes the good part- Diet. I said I was going to be on a strict diet and exercise regime and surprise surprise- It hasn't happened. HOWEVER... A month or so ago, I did the Jason Vale's 7lbs in 7 days super juice detox programme that discussed in my last post and lost a whopping 12lbs!! After the excitement of losing so much weight in a week, I started to calm down with going to the gym and the strict dieting as I had quite the unpleasant experience when coming back on to solid food again after a week off. Say no more on that matter! As expected after a week of nothing but fresh fruit and veg I have put some of it back on- Probably about half of it but I am back in the routine of the gym 3 times a week now so will continue that over Summer and see how it goes. I just want to feel comfortable in my own body.

7.  Further Life Update in Pictures

This happened on 22nd April thanks to my friend who, for the sake of this blog post, will be called Batman. Thank you for encouraging me to get it. I love it!

  
This was the celebratory meal I had at Caffeine Club for finishing second year. I just found out that I got 63% overall which equates to a 2:1. I'm very happy with that. Fingers crossed I can get even better next year! :) 

During Summer I think Joseph and I will be sharing our time between Plymouth and my Nan's new house (Something else that's happened since my last blog). Instead of a Summer holiday, Joe and I will be focusing on our dissertations and the research and reading involved in that. Hopefully by doing so it will take some of the pressure off next year. I am looking forward to what is ahead now. Before we know it, it will be time to graduate :)

As always, thanks for reading and PLEASE provide as much feedback as possible and any comments/suggestions for topics next time please let me know. Peace out!